Road Rules...

Self portrait, Red Rocks.
While the Southeast US has been receiving record low temps and above average snowfall I have been touring around the sunny Southwest. After 3 weeks in California Jessa and I visited Red Rocks for a few days and then attended the winter Outdoor Retailer Show in Salt Lake City, UT. After that we blasted down to Indian Creek for a day, and are now chillin with the fam in New Mexico.

Sunrise parking lot shot looking into Black Velvet Canyon (left) and Jessa grabbing some warm sandstone at the Strato Castor Wall (right) in Red Rocks.

A few things I have learned from the last month and a half on the road:

- Never believe the weather forecast!

- Leave large sums of cash inaccessible while visiting Vegas Casinos!

- If you have a 5 gallon jug of water in your rig, fasten the lid correctly and keep it upright!

- Be kind to your cruise control switch!

- Make sure your spare tire has air in it!
- Just because the 5 bottles of whiskey on the table only have a little left does not mean you have to finish them off all at once.

- When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.

- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

- There are only two seasons on the road in the United States; road construction and winter!

- If you find something interesting on the side of the road leave it alone! It might be a trap set up by some freakishly crazy religious cult to lure in the impure and serve them to the lord for sacrifice.
Mountains near Salt Lake City, Utah at sunrise.

Newspaper Rock near the splitter cracks of Indian Creek, Utah.

Lastly, a quick comparison of female to male driving tendencies.

Pulls off at wrong exit, opens window and asks directions from a knowledgeable person.
Follows proper directions and arrives at destination in timely fashion.

Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down the window just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a convenient store, gets three hot-dogs and a six pack of beer, then asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from store said it was.
Almost hits a deer, curses the night, curses you, curses the empty six pack and yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn't want to go to visit your family anyway, ever since they called him a pernicious weasel.
He had to borrow girlfriends Iphone to Google the word, couldn't spell pernicious, and still has no idea what it means.
Seethes at the memory of it all and decides to sleep in the van by the side of the road.

Not the funniest bumper stickers I have seen but still good.


Parting shots:

This guy got soo close to us while we were on the wall that the windstopper I was wearing started to fail! Maybe next time buddy, buz by a bunch of pretty ladies wearing dresses on the Vegas strip;)

Anddd....Castle Valley at sunset. What you can't see is all the snow!

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Matt P. said...

Pat, looks like you've been having a great time out west. Way to escape the 2 months of snow here in Boone!

Brad said...

The castle valley shot is badass!

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